We picked perfect designs for these goalies’ next masks. You’re welcome.

Everybody loves a good goalie mask design. But, as with hockey nicknames, sometimes they can be a little…unoriginal. In order to inspire goalies, designers, and our inner children, we’ve come up with some alternatives.

Washington Capitals: Braden Holtby

If this man does not WEAR or PAINT a fedora onto his helmet we gotta reopen CBA talks.

Vancouver Canucks: Jacob Markstrom

He has ears painted on the side of his helmet; a veritable Picasso painting with reinforced plexiglass as the canvas. Our only suggestion would be adding some emerald earrings to distract opposing skaters and bring out his eyes.

Detroit Red Wings: Jonathan Bernier

This man is so handsome. His mask should just be transparent. It would be enjoyable for everyone in the lower bowl of the arena and distracting for his opponents.

Ottawa Senators: Craig Anderson

Just scrawl help on the top of his mask and hope the overhead goalie cameras pick it up and someone takes him from Ottawa and lets him settle in as supportive mentoring backup goalie somewhere nice and warm.

*Honorable mention to Sens’ back-up goalie Anders Nilsson, who has a pride flag on his helmet in support of the LGBTQ+ community.

Columbus Blue Jackets: Joonas Korpisalo

A PokeMon ball. I haven’t played PokeMon since the black-and-white GameBoy days, but there’s no way that “Korpisalo” isn’t the evolutionary form of SOMETHING.

Original photo: @bluejacketsnhl

Philadelphia Flyers: Carter Hart

This is the purest looking boy with the most sinister gosh darn helmet in the league. We’re not going to risk criticism for fear of Carnage manifesting and coming after us.

carter hart [2018-19]: *cinnamon bun, too good too pure*

carter hart [2019-20]: i love monsters going forward please refer to me as carnage hart or mr. breaker of hearts & destroyer of worlds https://t.co/B2sc7qbrvi

— b. (@youripides) September 11, 2019

Anaheim Ducks: Ryan Miller

THIS GOOD MANS ALREADY HAS AN X-WING/POE DAMERON HELMET. HE WINS.

If you’ve got another idea to add to our hypothetical Pinterest dreamboard, chime in with a comment!

Headline image: RMNB/Elizabeth Kong